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How to Have a Successful Relationship With Your Wedding Planner

Of course, you want to have a good working relationship with your wedding planner/planners, because the planning process will be more enjoyable and you will receive the maximum benefit of their planning resources. Deciding it WILL BE a good client/professional relationship is the first step. (Forget about all those dysfunctional scenarios depicted by “reality” TV.)

The second step can be divided into three goals: Compatibility, Communication and Commitment.

1) Compatibility – Brainstorm with your fiance to select the most important criteria for choosing your wedding planner. Keep these in mind, while perusing websites, referrals and brochures. For example, do you prefer to work with a professional in a concise, abbreviated style, or is your favored communication style warm, friendly and personal? Do you prefer phone, in person, or email communications? Are you looking for high end, top-of-the-line services, or do you need to stay within a small budget? Of course, you will want to look for wedding planner teams that are reputable with good credentials, i.e. Better Business Bureau, or local planners professional organizations.

2) Communication – once you haved narrowed down your list of planners, communicate clearly and politely what is important to you. The planner should be comfortable with your priorities and be able to communicate clearly their mission statement and policies. Listen to what they say. Read their terms/policies and conditions. Don’t try to bully or wheedle them to change their policies. If you don’t feel comfortable, continue your search, but make sure your requirements are reasonable and realistic.

If you have spoken to three or four reputable companies, and don’t like any of them, you may want to re-evaluate your criteria. Is it reasonable? Don’t take too long completing this search. It will tire you out and waste your time and the planners’.

3) Commitment – Once you have found a good match, seal the deal. Reserve your date and the planner’s services. Cooperate with their contractual requirements. They protect you, too. No planner can do a good job until you give commitment and cooperation. And keep up with the clear, non emotional, respectfrul communication. Any good planner wants you to have a wonderful wedding experience just as much as you.

Order services well in advance – Be prepared to pay for them. Service providers need to be respected and treated with politeness and consideration. Don’t try to manipulate them to lower their prices. Their profit margins are usually only enough to keep them in business. If you can’t afford something or aren’t 100% certain you want it, don’t order it. Your wedding planners and service providers are not charitable non-profit organizations who can afford to provide you with what you want. They are struggling to keep afloat in a difficult economy, just like you are. So, if you can’t afford it, just do without it. Love and joy are what makes a beautiful wedding.

And you may have noticed, the three steps I have described, Compatibility, Communication and Commitment are also essential for enjoying a happy marriage. And, make sure to season it all with kindness and consideration.


Rev. Ayesha Sandra Lee is President & CEO of Merry Maui Weddings & Vacations, at (888)588-0400 toll-free. For more helpful info and advice on Maui weddings, visit her informative and entertaining website at She is an expert in Hawaii destination weddings and vacations and is wedding planner, hula dancer, singer, writer and poet. She has recently released her new teen novel, “Roswell’s Journal,” now available at

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